Twenty 4 - Hours!

Dreams, they speak millions of scenes. When we wake up, there are very few we remember. Some dream with their eyes closed at night; some wait for the dawn so that they can dawn through the dream with their eyes open :)  I have a dream... a dream about any average woman would have, the day when she will have a man to herself. Dominate him, fight with him, and hug him when I am wrong. Many things I imagine to be my life after I promise my life, my relatives, and my family "I do".  It’s a normal day... after months of persuading to marry... After the million fights... I receive a call from him... "My mother just asked me if I will ever get married" wondering if he is serious, I laugh through it and he says "I am serious, when do you want to get married... Mother tells me that January is a good time". I am dumb stuck... wondering yet again if he is really serious or if I am dumb enough to believe it. I simply say "You could talk to my mot...

I close my eyes to sleep thinking about him all the time. I smile and think again "Am I wrong"? I have never felt anything like this before. Suddenly, I feel the words he said "I love you" and I had goose-bumps instantly. I make up my mind, this is it. I have waited for a long time to find someone who loved me for who I am and I found him. What I also found is his family and children, is it possible to wash away the thought of his family? I keep thinking with my eyes closed. Imagining how it would feel if we were together now, I would probably break down crying my love to him, holding me close to his heart. I could imagine all of this like it was real. Is it wrong to love someone when you are already committed? With the smile still on my face, I snuggle up and sleep in the bed which I never found comforting but now, with all the love in his heart. Next day, I woke up and now there are no thoughts in my head. I am starting to feel a grip of my life now...

When you live in a country like India, thinking is not a very easy task. Trust when a girl says this. Men like in movies don't stop thinking either, only they ignore. No one here lives for themselves, it’s for others. Questions like "What would the neighbors think?" is a very casual thought. So, when one has to decide, it has to be after considering the family and don't forget "the neighbors", even if there are about 50 houses in the lane you live.  Its part of the culture, only a foreigner would think of it as weird but when you are a "true" Indian, it would be surprising if you didn't think like that. Unfortunately, I am in a condition where i don't want to think about others because the saying goes "when you laugh, the world laughs with you but in sorrow, you are the only person crying". Here, life has to move on, that's the thought. You cannot be stuck at sorrow because again, life is meant to be happy with a little bitte...

Life is a “vicious” cycle. There will be no end until you end. After 30 yrs, I am a long way to find my purpose. In the young mind, I already want to know why. Why all the hustle? Why all the trouble? Why all the greed for more money and power? I am probably in a confused state to define any of the above. I want to know why I am born, why the changes in my life have made me think if this is worthy to prove as any purpose. Do many think that about the purpose of life? I do not have many challenges in life because when my life is smooth, I tend to keep it like that. Why look for new challenges and create a mess in the already messed up life? These days, I just want to be in solitude, left in my thoughts. A perfect situation while I sit by the shore wondering what I am doing. I need a break from many things that are happening in my life and others that I pressure to happen. Either way, I just want it all to stop. I want to calm down, shout out loud, scream to my life that it has to ...

The strange feeling in life when you think you could do something that you never thought of or never wanted to do. My life seeks the end; I do not want to travel through the tunnel to see the light. I want to see the light already, there is sometimes (many times) easy way to situations. No circumstance is difficult only you make the wrong choice when the opportunity came your way. Some give up on life for not getting what they wanted; there are some who give up because they have all they wanted, they miss the challenges in life. They lose themselves in a life so high suddenly it won’t make sense. The reason - confusion. There are some though who give up for others because the situation is too tough for them to handle along with their loved ones. When they know failure is to show its face, the easy choice - give up. It’s sensitive to think of the third kind I mentioned. They become liberal when the burden over their shoulder dies which doesn’t mean they could kill but to give up ones...

Why do I want what I want? Many say, think of the world, when you plant a life Some say, why you think of an animal that is bound to leave. Why do I want what I see? Green, many say is the colour of happiness; they share one seed at a time. Some say, the joy is gone when you are. Why do I want what I hear? The world thinks they are right. Some say, don’t listen to the devil. From others I hear, a good soul, a good deed shoves away the evil. Why do I want what I touch? A flower blooms to show its beauty; wear it on the shoulder, their mind cries. A life – leave it alone for you are the selfish mankind, I say.