Twenty 4 - Hours!

I always look at you, in the mirror and smile, I look at you every day, thinking “life is good” Thinking I have the perfect life and I should feel happie for what I have. For the others, this may only be a dream. One day, I stop – I am not smiling at you anymore. Life seems to have paused I stare into your eyes, Why isn’t life so good anymore, is it not good anymore? I stare into the deepest thoughts and try to find – you. Your smile fades with the slightest voice. I start to think, what have I done – what am I even looking for, You want to move on, think about starting anew. Is it not too late – are you not old enough to remain happy with what you have? Your eyes seems to water to the deepest oceans I have seen. I stare at your eyes vaguely staying up with reality. You say that you are not happy anymore – with me. I blame myself saying what I missed seeing beyond that smile I struggle to make it right for you but this battle was long lost. I...

When I was looking at the kids in my apartment, I thought to myself – how simple life is. Nothing to worry, the only thing we really worried was for the next toy that our parents would buy. All I ever wanted when I grew up, is to be just like those aunties in 30’s who didn’t have to worry about exams and they can buy whatever they want. I am 30 today, I can only think of the saying “the grass is always greener on the other side”. No matter where I am, the other side always seems pleasant. I am still juggling between lots of troubles within the small pleasures of life, still, it is not enough. I want to stay in my bed all day, think about nothing, make my own coffee, and sit by the window just like in movies because they always look good in movies. I am married by the way, so, when I see these movies where the married couple talk and laugh – I cannot relate my life being that green! I do not know if it ever will happen but that’s always something I look forward to though. ...

When you live in a country like India, thinking is not a very easy task. Trust when a girl says this. Men like in movies don't stop thinking either, only they ignore. No one here lives for themselves, it’s for others. Questions like "What would the neighbors think?" is a very casual thought. So, when one has to decide, it has to be after considering the family and don't forget "the neighbors", even if there are about 50 houses in the lane you live.  Its part of the culture, only a foreigner would think of it as weird but when you are a "true" Indian, it would be surprising if you didn't think like that. Unfortunately, I am in a condition where i don't want to think about others because the saying goes "when you laugh, the world laughs with you but in sorrow, you are the only person crying". Here, life has to move on, that's the thought. You cannot be stuck at sorrow because again, life is meant to be happy with a little bitte...