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When i need you...


Time changes many aspects of life.... 

Your mind... Your goal...your thoughts... And ultimately the person you want to be and the people you want to be with. 

My mind is the weakest on the day when I think "it will pass". I try to think that it will be over before I know it. Most of the times, it’s always one of the hardest days to pass. I think of ways that I could have changed but all I have in my mind is thinking "I don’t want this to repeat, not in mine, not others". Even when I have lost someone, a friend because of my dumb reactions, I wait. I wait until things will come back to normal. 

The time I wait becomes the toughest, even climbing the "Himalayas" could be easier because I know I have to wait for forgiveness, I have to wait for circumstances to come back to what it once was and then it gets me thinking... "What if I can't be the same person after all?" "Will the wait change the person I am?" The truth I think is, it will. It will change many things between us. I am scared of this now. 

Well let’s think...If everything goes well between us, the fear of a situation to occur again will always be in my head, I do not know of my friend’s. The fear of going back to the insecure feeling will come back to me. I will now become dependent on this person because I try to give as much a space and try to work things out between us all the time. So, ultimately I will be submissive the whole time because of this fear. 

Another thought... If it doesn’t go well, I will probably crib for a few months. I would even think of ways my friend could have come for me if I really meant that much but again here, I would be waiting with a tiny bit luck to see if I really meant to be someone’s lucky one. I will yet be confused to decide.

My mind is the one that is thinking practically and asking me to let go of the thoughts because if I was so meaningful in someone's life, the other person would also try as hard as I think I did.

My heart says you waited this long, wait a little longer so that you can decide if it was worth the wait or take this as an experience.

Many circumstances life brings us, some I bring myself to...Time at the moment seems to be my only answer (to the heart) and trying as hard as I can (to my mind). 

If you could just talk to me now, I only hope life would still be a little better to me regardless of what it has to be.

Signing off yet again clueless to a life I don’t know is meant to be mine. 


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