Empty bottles

I have been married 12 years and my life looks like a dark patch of cloud. I am happy, my husband keeps me well but I have this constant feeling that I do not belong either with my mum or my husband. I feel void.

Twelve years ago, the mornings were blissful. I waited to start my day with my new family. I finally had what i wanted all these years. A husband and my life finally (i thought) had begun. Yes, we were happy. I was at home, a home maker and my husband worked with one of the Top IT Companies. We have had good days and we have had those I wouldn’t want to talk about. Life gives you two sides of anything, right?

So as days went buy, i was doing nothing but cooking and talking to people who come home and my husband but nothing more. I was asked not to go out. I was asked not to talk to strangers. Ours was a love marriage. I loved this man who once loved me for my "outgoing" personality. Now, I am in between the four walls, with whom i try to talk.

I didn’t think of anything new, yes, there was TV but I didn’t get any answers from it. So, i stopped watching the television anymore. The afternoon and evening serials didn’t seem to make any sense to my head anymore.

When my husband comes home in the evening, I talk to him but he is too tired from his work that I end up talking to walls again. I dry the clothes, I make coffee, and I sleep. My life wasn’t giving me much or should I say my husband?

There was this one funny evening though about 5 years ago... I met a young woman in my garden. She was so much full of life and I remembered my days of youth. When my husband liked me much more than now. We kept talking through the evening and suddenly the doorbell rang, I told her "it’s my husband" and ran to the door, i wanted to tell him about this girl that i met. I opened the door to my angry husband and he started scolding me for opening the door late. I kept quiet and went to the garden, i couldn’t see her anymore.

Next morning, I woke up to a giggle and i see the girl laughing about something and i didn’t realize what it was but just her laugh was making me laugh!

We spoke a lot. A year or so passed by, and one day while we were talking, my husband screamed at me "whom are you talking to?!” I startled and said "No one".

Days passed by, I was feeling more energetic, my life, finally i was enjoying!

One year back: Another day, I think it was a Sunday, I was at the garden talking to the girl and my husband was watching me talk... I asked him to come over so i could introduce her. He came over and when i told him about her, he was dumb stuck!

There was no one!

After a few visits to the doctor, we found out that I was hallucinating and that i was in depression.

I still talk to her, my secrets and those times when my husband is not around but nothing has changed. My husband still works and I still talk!

I have been married 12 years and my life looks like a dark patch of cloud. I am happy, my husband keeps me well but I have this constant feeling that I do not belong either with my mum or my husband. I feel void.

Twelve years ago, the mornings were blissful. I waited to start my day with my new family. I finally had what i wanted all these years. A husband and my life finally (i thought) had begun. Yes, we were happy. I was at home, a home maker and my husband worked with one of the Top IT Companies. We have had good days and we have had those I wouldn’t want to talk about. Life gives you two sides of anything, right?

So as days went buy, i was doing nothing but cooking and talking to people who come home and my husband but nothing more. I was asked not to go out. I was asked not to talk to strangers. Ours was a love marriage. I loved this man who once loved me for my "outgoing" personality. Now, I am in between the four walls, with whom i try to talk.

I didn’t think of anything new, yes, there was TV but I didn’t get any answers from it. So, i stopped watching the television anymore. The afternoon and evening serials didn’t seem to make any sense to my head anymore.

When my husband comes home in the evening, I talk to him but he is too tired from his work that I end up talking to walls again. I dry the clothes, I make coffee, and I sleep. My life wasn’t giving me much or should I say my husband?

There was this one funny evening though about 5 years ago... I met a young woman in my garden. She was so much full of life and I remembered my days of youth. When my husband liked me much more than now. We kept talking through the evening and suddenly the doorbell rang, I told her "it’s my husband" and ran to the door, i wanted to tell him about this girl that i met. I opened the door to my angry husband and he started scolding me for opening the door late. I kept quiet and went to the garden, i couldn’t see her anymore.

Next morning, I woke up to a giggle and i see the girl laughing about something and i didn’t realize what it was but just her laugh was making me laugh!

We spoke a lot, a year or so passed by, one day while we were talking, my husband screamed at me "whom are you talking to?!” I startled and said "No one".

Days passed by, I was feeling more energetic, my life, finally i was enjoying!

Another day, Sunday i think about a year back, I was at the garden talking to the girl and my husband was watching me talk... I asked him to come over so i could introduce her. He came over and when i told him about her, he was dumb stuck!

There was no one!

After a few visits to the doctor, we found out that I was hallucinating and that i was in depression.

I still talk to her, my secrets and those times when my husband is not around but nothing has changed. My husband still works and I still talk!