You lost, we lost

It’s been a year since love came into my life. She is most precious stone I found, my angel. I want to keep her. I try my best to plan something for her. Her plans though, are very different from mine. She talks about how she feels when we are gone, how she lost her loved one when she was young. I listened to her only I was angry. She will never understand.

I tried to tell her many times, "it is for us, we need to have a nice life". She says "Let me be part of both ups and downs". Sometimes, I think we are so cross. She doesn’t think of her future, she thinks only of her family. With a loved one gone, I understand how difficult her life would be but what should I do about it? Get married even when I think I have to "settle" down or get married and blame her for the life I didn’t want?

Too much to ask, hey?

I met him at my friends, I didn’t think he was cute neither was I interested. We exchanged phone numbers. I was too naive to understand why. We texted for a few weeks, he said he liked me. I was blank because I didn’t feel anything like that; I denied telling "I am not ready to decide". We didn’t stop speaking; we spoke the longest that day.

Months went away, I still wasn’t feeling numb for love, I agreed. Sometimes, my intuition says "Do it" but many times, I don’t. I am scared. I have been hurt before, I don’t want to go through that path again... When I agreed, I spoke to my mother. The next question "Marriage?” I spoke many times of this topic that I was wondering if he is even interested. Many times, he agreed but after only six months, the life plan flipped a whole 360 degrees.

I was so scared, if he was going to post pone our plan. I was scared. I was scared if I am going to grow mother’s worries. I was scared if I lost it again that I should have not agreed. Tiring thoughts, after many arguments, I let go. "It’s what you have decided" I said.

Life and love relate to mother, brother, sister, father and spouse.

Relationship means going through life together even if it means you have lost everything.

Family means more than money because my motto "Money comes with an effort, people? They just leave"

Together at any situation means talking, sharing, loving, comforting.

Marriage means I love you, loved you and always will love you. No matter how hard it gets.