Skip to main content

If only you knew me..













I do not ask, unless you question. I do not tell, unless you start. You won’t know me until you are around. I am not bothered many a times if no one is around. It is a peaceful state; think for yourself, holding a cup of coffee, lost in thoughts which you try to evade.


Confused as it may seem, my life is dull, I still do not want anyone by my side, I cry with no tears... with eyes so blank and with speech so subtle. You have to know me well to realize this. I do not need attention, something I hate. I do not want you to tell me what is right and what is not. I want you to stay right next to me, that is all is required.

I have a million thoughts running through my head starting "what if". Many I cannot understand why, some I leave for time to heal. I write so many stories about me, you and the others when I am down in the drain waiting for someone to pull me up. I do not wait too long though, I am up even before you realize that I am not alright.

I do not give a chance at times to let you predict my thoughts or me. I feel insecure when you can tell "I know what you feel". I tell to myself "No, you do not". I make it the hardest when I want someone to be by my side but keep telling myself “I can fight out of this alone”.

I am upset about many things right now, there is not much space. I do not want to be dependent, I want only me, and I can stand for myself. Even though I go down, I can be back to where I was even before you know. I keep asking myself to be strong; I have lost many precious in my life - Time, people and love. I do not regret, I tell myself. I have learned a hard lesson.

When I was impatient and young, I did not listen when you advice, I hate it. There have been times when I say, "Please do not advice because you are not worth it". Later, when people still did, I listened and ignored. Now, I hear them all, it’s too much to take.

I want you to know me, feel what I think, read my thoughts but yet again, I will not let you do it. It’s a feeling set in my mind; I am not able to get away with this. Even though, I have changed from a person I didn’t want to be, some traits remain. Maybe, I am not trying hard or not even trying.

You would know this if you know me, you would read my thoughts, and these lines would mean more.

Stuck in between my mind and thoughts.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I still love you....(Continued)

I close my eyes to sleep thinking about him all the time. I smile and think again "Am I wrong"? I have never felt anything like this before. Suddenly, I feel the words he said "I love you" and I had goose-bumps instantly. I make up my mind, this is it. I have waited for a long time to find someone who loved me for who I am and I found him. What I also found is his family and children, is it possible to wash away the thought of his family? I keep thinking with my eyes closed. Imagining how it would feel if we were together now, I would probably break down crying my love to him, holding me close to his heart. I could imagine all of this like it was real. Is it wrong to love someone when you are already committed? With the smile still on my face, I snuggle up and sleep in the bed which I never found comforting but now, with all the love in his heart. Next day, I woke up and now there are no thoughts in my head. I am starting to feel a grip of my life now...
Post a Comment
More >>

Choices

There are many circumstances in life. Some you get to choose and, some choose you. When you have a chance to choose, you make a clear, up down decision but what happens if the decision that you made was not as good as your choices that life had made plans of? I chose something in life... I let it be immaterial, as long as it goes well everything is. The moment there is a friction, things start to tumble down to plain sand. Why? Many times, I presume mankind cannot make a hundred percent decision. I on the other hand consider myself a fifty percent chance. Give or take am always at a fifty percent that things will not work out or rather will. This I learn from some in life who have made me wait, until they are satisfied with the period, until they are safe from their decision. While I wait like a piece of potato that is to be washed and cleaned and ready to be cooked, like it can be any moment now. And after the wait whatever the time period is.. I have started questioning a...
Post a Comment
More >>

I believe in you

I always thought "your life is your consequence" which means your decision (right or wrong) is what you live (your life). While I am trying to clear my head over matters that I never planned or wasn't ready to face, I believe in you. When the child crossing the road hit by a truck is still alive, I would have debated that he was probably not hit in the vital organs, blah, and blah, blah. Now, I say it’s his "destiny", he is not meant to die. The purpose of his life is not fulfilled. My friends tried to convince me that life happens because it’s destiny. I argued its always ones' decision that makes life. If I argue now, I would say (now) partly for destiny and decisions. The example, when you pass in exams - you determine to pass or fail. You know that life will not be any better if the high scores reflected on the mark sheets. That's a decision, isn't it? Another one, when a family went to Indore (a place in India) for a picnic by the river, onl...
Post a Comment
More >>