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If only you knew me..













I do not ask, unless you question. I do not tell, unless you start. You won’t know me until you are around. I am not bothered many a times if no one is around. It is a peaceful state; think for yourself, holding a cup of coffee, lost in thoughts which you try to evade.


Confused as it may seem, my life is dull, I still do not want anyone by my side, I cry with no tears... with eyes so blank and with speech so subtle. You have to know me well to realize this. I do not need attention, something I hate. I do not want you to tell me what is right and what is not. I want you to stay right next to me, that is all is required.

I have a million thoughts running through my head starting "what if". Many I cannot understand why, some I leave for time to heal. I write so many stories about me, you and the others when I am down in the drain waiting for someone to pull me up. I do not wait too long though, I am up even before you realize that I am not alright.

I do not give a chance at times to let you predict my thoughts or me. I feel insecure when you can tell "I know what you feel". I tell to myself "No, you do not". I make it the hardest when I want someone to be by my side but keep telling myself “I can fight out of this alone”.

I am upset about many things right now, there is not much space. I do not want to be dependent, I want only me, and I can stand for myself. Even though I go down, I can be back to where I was even before you know. I keep asking myself to be strong; I have lost many precious in my life - Time, people and love. I do not regret, I tell myself. I have learned a hard lesson.

When I was impatient and young, I did not listen when you advice, I hate it. There have been times when I say, "Please do not advice because you are not worth it". Later, when people still did, I listened and ignored. Now, I hear them all, it’s too much to take.

I want you to know me, feel what I think, read my thoughts but yet again, I will not let you do it. It’s a feeling set in my mind; I am not able to get away with this. Even though, I have changed from a person I didn’t want to be, some traits remain. Maybe, I am not trying hard or not even trying.

You would know this if you know me, you would read my thoughts, and these lines would mean more.

Stuck in between my mind and thoughts.

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